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CHINESE FACE READING
AND THE SINGLE WOMAN
By Charles Yarborough, L.Ac.
© Charles Yarborough, L.Ac.
“I wouldn't eat those if I were you, darling.” The woman in the Chanel pant suit was leaning into me, offering helpful advice. “They're horribly toxic. I wouldn’t go near them!” The waiter had just wandered by with a tray of exotic offerings: tiny, wide-eyed tadpoles baked into curried mini-quiches. And though the waiter had assured me they were vegan, he was only telling me what I wanted to hear. I took, I bit, I swallowed. “Those things come from a polluted lake in Brazil,” said the woman, slipping off her jacket and tossing it over my arm. “Hold this for me, will you, sweetheart? Those little creatures swim around all day in God-knows-what cesspool of filth. I know the importer. He tells Customs they’re being used as shark feed at SeaWorld. It’s the only way they’re allowed into this country. Cute, aren’t they? How they ended up in a quiche I’ll never know. Utterly toxic, just like all the men at this party. Cute but toxic. Take a look around, will you? These men are completely hopeless, all of them. Where have all the nice, sweet, eligible bachelors gone, anyway? God, I’d kill for a cigarette!” I was struck not only by the woman’s manic soliloquy but by her ability to deliver it in one breath and to a total stranger.
We were guests at a wrap party for a feature film, held at a trendy Westside restaurant. Standing in the patio, we were serenaded by a Flamenco band and a warm ocean breeze. Industry people in t-shirts and Cartiers mingled by a marble nymph fountain. “Why are all the men I meet such whimps?” the woman said, patting her piled-up hair like a child building a sand castle. “Where are all the decent guys hiding? I’ve been nicotine-free for over a month now and I’m ready for a man. Are you available? You’re not gay, are you? No felony convictions? I’m told I’ve got the thighs of a twenty year-old and the calves of a Shetland pony. Nice personality too, ask anybody.”
I could see she had plenty of personality, though I wasn’t so sure about the “nice” part. Still, she was intriguing, and since she’d apparently chosen me as her third wall, I decided to join the conversation. "You’re too intense for me,” I said, knowing the comment would roll off her back. “But maybe I can help.”
“You can?” she said.
“Let’s start by discussing what kind of person you are. Then we’ll discover your ideal mate.”
“Huh?” she said. “Is this a psychic reading?”
“No,” I said. “It’s Chinese face reading.”
“Really? Why darling, how exotic!”
“Not to the Chinese.”
LIPS AND LASHES
“Let’s start with this question,” I said. “How would you describe yourself?”
“Me? I’m in the film biz. Highly successful.”
“Give me some personal qualities,” I said.
“All right, then,” she said. “I’m a leader, that’s what I am. I’m a visionary. I work hard and I take good care of my dogs and the people I care about. I give to PETA. I’ve got eleven cars."
None of this surprised me, since her singular qualities--and much more--were written on her face. Of the five elemental types (Water, Wood, Fire, Earth and Metal), she clearly fit the Earth energetic profile. The Earth face typically gives the impression of squareness and muscularity. In women, these masculinizing elements can be softened by certain contrasting features. My companion’s face was curiously seductive: her expansive, powerful, square jaw was offset by the lure of wide, full lips (Botox?). Her eyes, pitched slightly upward toward her nose, spoke of a sympathetic--possibly pessimistic--character. Her wide mouth suggested the ability to socialize and “share” easily, and the fullness of her lips, whether chemically enhanced or not, spoke of sensuousness and emotional availability. Nevertheless, these features were overpowered by those that suggested a domineering nature.
The presence of an underlying Fire element was hinted at by her firey eyes and temperament, although her compulsive, anxiety-laden monologue was a distinctive Earth characteristic. Confirming the domineering nature of her personality was the confluence of her nose and chin. Typical of the Earth face, the spine of her nose was wide rather than narrow. This meant that she was able to draw on considerable reserves of energy in the execution of her goals. Her chin complemented this effect with its squareness, suggesting leadership and the power to persuade by physical rather than intellectual force. Who wouldn’t be a whimp by comparison? As an Earth type, she played a part in the cycle of elements called the Chen/Ko cycle.
Based on the paradigm of family relationships, the Chen/Ko cycle symbolizes the act of generation (the mother) and of control (the matron). Wood, for instance, generates Fire and Fire generates Earth. While wood is the mother of fire and therefore generates it, Wood is also the matron of Earth and controls it, as seen below.
I wanted to know what kind of men my companion had been involved with in the past and why those relationships created such disappointment. “What were these fellows like?” I asked her.
“See for yourself,” she said, folding her arms and pointing her chin toward the crowd of people. “There’s two of them right over there. I dated both of those guys for a couple of years each.” By the pool stood the two men, chatting with other partiers. One of them was a Metal type, as his oval face and refined, civilized manner confirmed.
“What was it like with him?” I asked the woman.
“Oh, he’s good looking, isn’t he? He’s got a corner office in Beverly Hills and a Bentley and he’s only thirty two. Not a bad guy. Only problem was, he wouldn’t do what I instructed. I’d give him a job to do and he’d do it on his own sweet time. When I assign a task I expect it to be done, and done right. I can’t supervise everybody all the time.”
“He was your employee?” I asked.
“Why no,” she said, confused. “What made you say that?”
Standing near him was her other ex-boyfriend, a round-faced man with a thin, delicate nose and small eyes. A Water type, I decided. “What about the other guy?” I asked. “Tell me about him.”
The woman sighed. “Oh him. He was so careful in everything he did. He wanted to know the reason for everything and the implications. Sometimes I just like to plow ahead. That’s just the way I think. He’s the opposite. He’s very slow and deliberate in his approach to life. I prefer the kind of man who can sit down with a map, close his eyes and let his finger land on the destination, wherever divine wisdom intends. Live freely, I say. That guy over there is detail-oriented whereas I look at the big picture. I’m afraid I got on his nerves, and vice versa. We weren’t a good match.”
Now that we had eliminated the Metal and Water elements as unsuitable for my companion, we were left with Wood and Fire. Which would be best?
WOOD AND FIRE
I decided that either of these elements, Wood or Fire, was a promising mate for my lady friend. The possibility of another Earth person was out of the question: one person exercising eminent domain in the relationship would be quite enough. The Wood person--her controlling element--would likely be an ambitious, agenda-oriented person. Since my companion tended to infuse her private relationships with dynamics that belong in the workplace, this could be the ideal mate, assuming they were focused on the same goals. What’s more, she confessed to a certain impulsiveness, a trait that could be successfully compensated for by a well developed Wood person. This is because such a person possesses a proficiency for strategizing and planning. A Fire person (her mother element), would resonate with my lady friend’s underlying fire tendencies. These two people would undoubtedly share a craving for new experiences, although the man would crave experiences and excitement simply for the thrill of it while the woman would crave new worlds to conquer and the resultant trophies. Any attempt to bring the hard-driving dynamics of her business into her home life would be met with merriment by her mate. Would she be able to switch gears in those intimate moments?
“So what’s your assessment of the battlefield?” she said, eyeing me suspiciously. “What kind of guy would be right for me? You must know lots of guys in your line of work. Who would you like to set me up with? Tell him I do aerobics six nights a week, whoever he is.” I explained the Wood and Fire characters to her and how to identify them. “Okay,” she said. “Either one is fine by me. You know what I like. Go get him for me, won’t you? I’m sure you have some special trick.” She tweaked my ear and gave me a nudge. I had been promoted from sounding board to procurer of men.
“Okay,” I shrugged. “I guess you’re right. I do have a special technique, one that you’d approve of. Wait here while I go call him.
“How marvelous!” she said.
I walked into the restaurant and went to the lobby, where the maitre’d lent me a West Side phone book. Nestling in an armchair, I set the book on my lap and opened it. And closing my eyes, I traced a spiral on the page, letting my finger land wherever divine wisdom intended.
Charles Yarborough, L.Ac., is a licensed acupuncturist and the owner of Hamptons Health Circle, a holistic clinic in Pasadena, California (www.HamptonsHealth.com). All characters and situations are completely fictional. Any resemblance to actual persons or events is coincidental.
“I wouldn't eat those if I were you, darling.” The woman in the Chanel pant suit was leaning into me, offering helpful advice. “They're horribly toxic. I wouldn’t go near them!” The waiter had just wandered by with a tray of exotic offerings: tiny, wide-eyed tadpoles baked into curried mini-quiches. And though the waiter had assured me they were vegan, he was only telling me what I wanted to hear. I took, I bit, I swallowed. “Those things come from a polluted lake in Brazil,” said the woman, slipping off her jacket and tossing it over my arm. “Hold this for me, will you, sweetheart? Those little creatures swim around all day in God-knows-what cesspool of filth. I know the importer. He tells Customs they’re being used as shark feed at SeaWorld. It’s the only way they’re allowed into this country. Cute, aren’t they? How they ended up in a quiche I’ll never know. Utterly toxic, just like all the men at this party. Cute but toxic. Take a look around, will you? These men are completely hopeless, all of them. Where have all the nice, sweet, eligible bachelors gone, anyway? God, I’d kill for a cigarette!” I was struck not only by the woman’s manic soliloquy but by her ability to deliver it in one breath and to a total stranger.
We were guests at a wrap party for a feature film, held at a trendy Westside restaurant. Standing in the patio, we were serenaded by a Flamenco band and a warm ocean breeze. Industry people in t-shirts and Cartiers mingled by a marble nymph fountain. “Why are all the men I meet such whimps?” the woman said, patting her piled-up hair like a child building a sand castle. “Where are all the decent guys hiding? I’ve been nicotine-free for over a month now and I’m ready for a man. Are you available? You’re not gay, are you? No felony convictions? I’m told I’ve got the thighs of a twenty year-old and the calves of a Shetland pony. Nice personality too, ask anybody.”
I could see she had plenty of personality, though I wasn’t so sure about the “nice” part. Still, she was intriguing, and since she’d apparently chosen me as her third wall, I decided to join the conversation. "You’re too intense for me,” I said, knowing the comment would roll off her back. “But maybe I can help.”
“You can?” she said.
“Let’s start by discussing what kind of person you are. Then we’ll discover your ideal mate.”
“Huh?” she said. “Is this a psychic reading?”
“No,” I said. “It’s Chinese face reading.”
“Really? Why darling, how exotic!”
“Not to the Chinese.”
LIPS AND LASHES
“Let’s start with this question,” I said. “How would you describe yourself?”
“Me? I’m in the film biz. Highly successful.”
“Give me some personal qualities,” I said.
“All right, then,” she said. “I’m a leader, that’s what I am. I’m a visionary. I work hard and I take good care of my dogs and the people I care about. I give to PETA. I’ve got eleven cars."
None of this surprised me, since her singular qualities--and much more--were written on her face. Of the five elemental types (Water, Wood, Fire, Earth and Metal), she clearly fit the Earth energetic profile. The Earth face typically gives the impression of squareness and muscularity. In women, these masculinizing elements can be softened by certain contrasting features. My companion’s face was curiously seductive: her expansive, powerful, square jaw was offset by the lure of wide, full lips (Botox?). Her eyes, pitched slightly upward toward her nose, spoke of a sympathetic--possibly pessimistic--character. Her wide mouth suggested the ability to socialize and “share” easily, and the fullness of her lips, whether chemically enhanced or not, spoke of sensuousness and emotional availability. Nevertheless, these features were overpowered by those that suggested a domineering nature.
The presence of an underlying Fire element was hinted at by her firey eyes and temperament, although her compulsive, anxiety-laden monologue was a distinctive Earth characteristic. Confirming the domineering nature of her personality was the confluence of her nose and chin. Typical of the Earth face, the spine of her nose was wide rather than narrow. This meant that she was able to draw on considerable reserves of energy in the execution of her goals. Her chin complemented this effect with its squareness, suggesting leadership and the power to persuade by physical rather than intellectual force. Who wouldn’t be a whimp by comparison? As an Earth type, she played a part in the cycle of elements called the Chen/Ko cycle.
Based on the paradigm of family relationships, the Chen/Ko cycle symbolizes the act of generation (the mother) and of control (the matron). Wood, for instance, generates Fire and Fire generates Earth. While wood is the mother of fire and therefore generates it, Wood is also the matron of Earth and controls it, as seen below.
I wanted to know what kind of men my companion had been involved with in the past and why those relationships created such disappointment. “What were these fellows like?” I asked her.
“See for yourself,” she said, folding her arms and pointing her chin toward the crowd of people. “There’s two of them right over there. I dated both of those guys for a couple of years each.” By the pool stood the two men, chatting with other partiers. One of them was a Metal type, as his oval face and refined, civilized manner confirmed.
“What was it like with him?” I asked the woman.
“Oh, he’s good looking, isn’t he? He’s got a corner office in Beverly Hills and a Bentley and he’s only thirty two. Not a bad guy. Only problem was, he wouldn’t do what I instructed. I’d give him a job to do and he’d do it on his own sweet time. When I assign a task I expect it to be done, and done right. I can’t supervise everybody all the time.”
“He was your employee?” I asked.
“Why no,” she said, confused. “What made you say that?”
Standing near him was her other ex-boyfriend, a round-faced man with a thin, delicate nose and small eyes. A Water type, I decided. “What about the other guy?” I asked. “Tell me about him.”
The woman sighed. “Oh him. He was so careful in everything he did. He wanted to know the reason for everything and the implications. Sometimes I just like to plow ahead. That’s just the way I think. He’s the opposite. He’s very slow and deliberate in his approach to life. I prefer the kind of man who can sit down with a map, close his eyes and let his finger land on the destination, wherever divine wisdom intends. Live freely, I say. That guy over there is detail-oriented whereas I look at the big picture. I’m afraid I got on his nerves, and vice versa. We weren’t a good match.”
Now that we had eliminated the Metal and Water elements as unsuitable for my companion, we were left with Wood and Fire. Which would be best?
WOOD AND FIRE
I decided that either of these elements, Wood or Fire, was a promising mate for my lady friend. The possibility of another Earth person was out of the question: one person exercising eminent domain in the relationship would be quite enough. The Wood person--her controlling element--would likely be an ambitious, agenda-oriented person. Since my companion tended to infuse her private relationships with dynamics that belong in the workplace, this could be the ideal mate, assuming they were focused on the same goals. What’s more, she confessed to a certain impulsiveness, a trait that could be successfully compensated for by a well developed Wood person. This is because such a person possesses a proficiency for strategizing and planning. A Fire person (her mother element), would resonate with my lady friend’s underlying fire tendencies. These two people would undoubtedly share a craving for new experiences, although the man would crave experiences and excitement simply for the thrill of it while the woman would crave new worlds to conquer and the resultant trophies. Any attempt to bring the hard-driving dynamics of her business into her home life would be met with merriment by her mate. Would she be able to switch gears in those intimate moments?
“So what’s your assessment of the battlefield?” she said, eyeing me suspiciously. “What kind of guy would be right for me? You must know lots of guys in your line of work. Who would you like to set me up with? Tell him I do aerobics six nights a week, whoever he is.” I explained the Wood and Fire characters to her and how to identify them. “Okay,” she said. “Either one is fine by me. You know what I like. Go get him for me, won’t you? I’m sure you have some special trick.” She tweaked my ear and gave me a nudge. I had been promoted from sounding board to procurer of men.
“Okay,” I shrugged. “I guess you’re right. I do have a special technique, one that you’d approve of. Wait here while I go call him.
“How marvelous!” she said.
I walked into the restaurant and went to the lobby, where the maitre’d lent me a West Side phone book. Nestling in an armchair, I set the book on my lap and opened it. And closing my eyes, I traced a spiral on the page, letting my finger land wherever divine wisdom intended.
Charles Yarborough, L.Ac., is a licensed acupuncturist and the owner of Hamptons Health Circle, a holistic clinic in Pasadena, California (www.HamptonsHealth.com). All characters and situations are completely fictional. Any resemblance to actual persons or events is coincidental.
Copyright 2005 Chinesefacefeading.net